My sincere appreciation to those who took the time to write in my previous threa d. Here're my thoughts:-

Adrain, you talked about projected "vision". I'm not so sure about that because if I'm going to have a "vision", then I'm almost certain to have to look for som ething and in my experience I always find nothing if I go around looking for it. It may be the case for Atget but I just don't know how, for myself. Maybe this "vision" can be executed in still life (you can arrange it) but not likely with landscapes. I tend to agree with Ellis that Atget was in love and moved by his s ubjects. I admit getting caught in tech stuff quite often. My prints are not fla wless (quite weak, actually)and I'm afraid to be perceived as a lousy photograph er. I should change that thinking. So what if people tend to relate high quality printing with good photographs!

I may have created the impression that I'm trying to shoot like Atget. But that' s not the case. I admire how freely he was in his eyes and mind able to capture his subjects with such ease. As Bruce said it, I must like the process of making pictures and to make those pictures for myself, first and foremost. No doubt ab out that, but my frustration is ignited deeper than just thinking that I may not have what it takes after all. What about my social responsibility? Haven't had a decent income for the longest time is abandoning responsibility. You'll just d rag everyone down with you. You sure can juggle between job and photography, but you know inside you cannot be good at both. Someone told me recently that to ma ke a good photograph is more difficult than to paint. I'm not a painter, so I do n't know, but I do know I'll feel guilty if those are not my best work. Eight ye ars isn't a long time at photography as Joe pointed out. Ansel said one good pic ture is about right. Supposing I photograph for 30 years, how would 30 photograp hs pay the bills for over three decades? It would be irrational to even think ab out it. Social pressure is mounting! But Joe made me see a point that those who are good at what they do always makes it look easy. As for 10,000 negatives, I p robably wouldn't make it in my lifetime. I did a calculation and came up with al most 900 negs (800 4x5's & 100 5x7's) from eight years work. Printed about 25 ne gs. Probably 4 or 5 decent (though not flawless)photographs. Adding the countles s times out in the field without removing the camera from the sack, that's more than 99 per cent failure rate. Five photographs and eight years of shooting, thi nking, learning, smelling, drinking, dreaming photography??? I seldom go back to printing old negs, though I know reprints always get better. I'd rather move on. Almost all are 4x5 contact prints and won't sell anyway. Ho nestly, I didn't do it to sell. Just six people have actually seen my work. Some times I don't know what the hack I am doing this for. I do not normally cast my thoughts openly, but I guess I want to find out if those serious photographers o ut there do feel the same when in a slump, and for the same reasons, and the way to go is to "expose" my own situation. Art & Fear will be my next book to read. Thanks for the recommendation, Scott and Tom.

I like what DJ narrate about things going a certain pattern and to keep at it to get better. I think if I do decide to quit photography, it would not be for pot tery or anything, but for butter & bread issue. Perfectionists (not in the techn ical part of photography in my case) do make things hard for themselves, don't t hey?

I've read both Robert Adams books. In Beauty in Photography, he showed a chinese painting of what looks like six pears by Mu Chi. Simple brush strokes and it se ems so easy. Thousand times of failed attempts and a love for his medium! But Sa ndy, obsession without the means to do it is misery. I have long accepted the fa ct that there will only be a very small audience for such work, so to think of g etting recognition for my work has not been on my mind at all. What do audience know about photography anyway? If some great personality says my work is a treas ure, audiences will find an excuse to agree (Matt, you're right!). If you ask me , Jonathan, what am I getting at all these years, I'll tell you I don't know. If you asked if I'm confuse; I probably am!

You know John & Ed, I've recently upgraded to an 8x10 Ansco and this beast has i ntimidated me for over a month. Not a single exposure made! It's huge, heavy, cl umsy, and I weight just a hundred pounds. The ground glass is so dim with a slow 305mm lens and the image is so big I am overwhelmed. The viewing seems less int imate than would my 4x5 and 5x7. I cannot 'connect' with the subjects. Similarly , an 8x10 print or larger overwhelm me. I generally feel a lost in intimacy with bigger prints. I tried a little change in my routine, it didn't work. Perhaps m ore time is needed.

Thanks for that little spark at the other end of the tunnel, I can see your craw ling marks and footing in this same path. But I'm climbing two feet and falling three for now. Where does this lead to, Jim? Brian, Justin, John, I know you're pushing my along, but where am I going?? I am still confused.

Aaron