Most of what you want IMO would be attainable with a simple Kodak 2D or old Korona, etc. and a ~300mm Tessar lens. My first 8x10 was a Gundlach and 300mm f/4.5 Radar lens and the DOF was plenty short.
But the "focusing after the sheet is inserted" is a real issue. Two ways around it - first idea, invest in a good stand-alone rangefinder and mount it to the top of the camera. Once you decide roughly on a focus distance, match the camera focus and the RF focus, since they are obviously uncoupled. Then, if your subject moves, the RF will show it and you can move or tell the subject to move slightly. Still quite finicky I would say, but I have seen good results from this from others. Second idea - a head brace of some sort. I have in the past used a simple $25 microphone boom stand to simply poke the subject's head, giving them a reference point. You could also use the top part of a guitar floor stand duct taped to the mic stand to make a simple brace for their neck...but that might be a bit much.
Really the question I have then is, do you truly need 8x10? Ask yourself why - are you planning on printing larger than 20x24? Are you scanning or darkroom printing? Do you want color or b&w? Will your budget really be enough? IMO, even using my 4x5 Linhof Technikas with RF focusing, focus can be hard at the widest apertures (and you have to move your eye to the viewfinder to frame which can be difficult). A SLR is interesting but I haven't personally gotten a chance to try it. Also, lens choice - do you want headshots? Upper body? Environmental? Each will be different and bring different issues with regard to focus accuracy, DOF, etc. Anyway, since I am primarily printing in my darkroom, 4x5 is more than enough for up to 20x24, which is as large as I can currently print. My larger cameras are exclusively for contact printing, at least for now.
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