Dear Mr. Granger,
The legal team behind the photographic juggernaut that is JCOLDSLABS, INC. (i.e. THE ARTIST) is writing to inform you that THE ARTIST, on or around January 13, 1997, took out a patent on naturally occurring sunlight (that being electromagnetic radiation emanating from the star at the heart of our solar system, covering both the visible and non-visible spectra). In light of this fact it is YOU, Mr. Granger, who have used THE ARTIST's patented lighting source without permission.
Your recent nocturnal foray into the Oregon desert and the subsequent photographs taken by lantern light suggest an attempt to avoid these patent complications altogether. Be warned, however, that should it be determined by forensic analysis that any sunlight, even re-purposed as moonlight, was used to illuminate parts of your photographs, I am afraid you are still infringing on THE ARTIST's patent.
We have been notified that you recently took a photograph of yourself at night in your basement, using a flat screen television as the light source. May we suggest this as an ideal (and patent-free) time and place to practice your photography from now on.
Cordially,
W. E. T. Blanket, Esq.
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