Update:

This weekend I rented a Linhof Technikardan 45s 4x5. I learned something- My chamonix by comparison is nothing in terms of complexity (I also just realized I have the f2, previously I thought the N2, although I don't know why). So this lead me to take out my Chamonix. I bought a Harrison pup tent recently and for the first time in over a year I loaded 4x5 film. Not as hard as I remember with the tent. I think the f2 has a few more movements than the N2, which is perhaps part of why to me it feels/felt complicated. But after staring at the Linhof- which was gorgeous, but so so soso sooo not for me- I realized wow, my Chamonix actually isn't too intimidating. Maybe the problem is me- my wanting results and being impatient. I am excited to try and shoot with it again. At least this will inform what I do or don't want. Before I was just recalling my fear around the camera. Let see what happens... Also, a very kind acquaintance was kind enough to allow me to borrow his Mamiya 7II, which I feel very grateful to have the opportunity to try out. While he is not a photographer, he is enough of an enthusiast and hobbyist to have four lenses WOWZA. I am trying to under my relationship to these lenses in terms of what I like and what sort of images I make. I am going to let myself to screw up- to make images, even if bad simply because. I am looking forward to this. My hope is I learn something about my process moving forward as well as my relationship to what I want to shoot and how I want to accomplish it. Any ideas please keep posting and I will continue to update. thanks guys!