View Full Version : New Lenses Announced

Mark Stahlke
1-Apr-2005, 09:07

April 1, 2005

CENTENNIAL, COLORADO-- The Stahlke-Kruzebynight Optik company today announced the introduction of a new line of lenses for large format photographers, the Hyperbolon Ultra Angular Deluxe Extreme Wide Field LS lenses.

The revolutionary new Hyperbolon Ultra Angular Deluxe Extreme Wide Field LS lenses are poised to take the large format photography world by storm. These earth shattering lenses feature a record breaking 179 degree angle of coverage that yields an astonishing image circle of almost infinite proportions.

The amazing Hyperbolon Ultra Angular Deluxe Extreme Wide Field LS lenses are based on a radically new time tested design. The use of advanced LS (lead
shielded) glass throughout means these lenses can be safely mounted in even the hottest new Cobalt 60 shutters.

The Hyperbolon Ultra Angular Deluxe Extreme Wide Field LS lenses use the same cutting edge coating technology as the company's razor sharp Symmitar lenses.
The Symmitar line of lenses replaced the company's debut lenses, the legendary Super Sinnar. With a resolving power of almost 100 lpm (lines per meter), the Super Sinnar quickly earned a reputation as the baddest lens in the business.

Anna Stigmat, a Stahlke-Kruzebynight spokesperson, said this announcement supersedes the company's prior announcement of the Hypothetigor Ultra Angular lenses which the company never actually manufactured. The spokesperson downplayed the company's failure to produce the Hypothetigors saying "It was just an idea, really."

The company will continue to sell its line of classic lenses including: <ul><liThe Chromagone lens, favored by B&W photographers<li>The Hexapons, bewitching little lenses known for supernatural color rendition<li> The Apo-Ludditar lens, popular with old-school photographers for its flat earth elements<li> the Pink Dot Areola-Ekstra lenses, coveted by "glamour" photographers<li> the Cattlar-II series of big, beefy lenses suitable for stock photography<li> The G#-Claxon, a notably sharp process lens that horned in on the macro arena with alarming speed<li> and the Siripon, hailed as the sweetest portrait lens ever made.</ul>

Stahlke-Kruzebynight Optik is also the maker of the world renowned Super Aragorn lens. Though slow to gain popularity, and even believed to be dead in the water at one point, the Super Aragorn returned to the large format battlefield and was later proclaimed the King of Lenses.

When asked what was next for Stahlke-Kruzebynight Optik, the spokesperson said the company's engineers are already hard at work on a new telephoto lens design to replace the old Palantiranon-T lenses, many of which were lost.
Also in the works is a telephoto lens for cell phone cameras. "We intend to turn your cell phone into a tele-phone." said the spokesperson.

Industry observers were left speechless by the company's announcement.


MIke Sherck
1-Apr-2005, 09:14
Happy April 1st to you, too! :)

Robert Musgjerd
1-Apr-2005, 09:18
APR. FOOLS? You did have me though.

Don Wallace
1-Apr-2005, 09:22
Well, go ahead and buy if you must, but I am waiting for the next generation of lenses which is bound to be even better and much more expensive, thereby making me a truly great photographer.

(Chuckle). You had me too at first. Good work!

Ralph Barker
1-Apr-2005, 09:36
Thanks for posting the announcement, Mark. But, I believe there are a couple of typos.

First, I understood the company name to be Stalke-Pfliegenbeinacht, not Stahlke-Kruzebynight. Second, I believe the portrait lens name is spelled Syrupon. Nice lens, but it's very slow in cold weather.

Arne Croell
1-Apr-2005, 09:36
Note that for certain subjects, the use of Palantiranon-T lenses results in severe Red-Eye....

Ken Lee
1-Apr-2005, 09:49
All the new lenses remind me of the support group for compulsive talkers: Onandonandon.

Dan Fromm
1-Apr-2005, 10:07
I think I'll stick with Super Fangulons.

"Sharper than a serpent's tooth" said one review, "bitingly sharp" according to another.

Jim Galli
1-Apr-2005, 10:19
Phooey on this high priced new stuff. I plan on using my vintage Protelariot Kermudgenon Casket set until I die. If they were good enough for Jesus and Moses, they're good enough for me.

dan nguyen
1-Apr-2005, 10:51
excellent Poisson d'Avril.... :-)

Mark Sawyer
1-Apr-2005, 11:05
Could somebody check the spelling for the manufacturer of these lenses? I just spent all morning trying to find them on the internet...

domenico Foschi
1-Apr-2005, 15:40
Excellent, also giving the hint on the second line , was pure genius.
I remember i saw a horror movie by Dario Argento , where you could see the misterious murderer's reflection just seconds before the murder occured , but nobody would be able to discern it because her face would get lost into a painting of a group of people she had behind. Anna Stigmat...., that's good.

Dan Fromm
1-Apr-2005, 16:29
Or then there's the highly desirable Apo-Craptar XL. Great lens, they say.

John Berry ( Roadkill )
1-Apr-2005, 21:08
I was getting ready to max out the credit card. John Berry

2-Apr-2005, 18:57
Mark does this manufacturer have a website?

many thanks