Probably best just to schedule the time whenever, and let everyone know that during such and such hours Dad is recharging by being creative. Next best course is the $100 have fun shopping bribe. I have found that having loads of time doesn't necessairly translate into more work being produced. It's just to easy to say I'll do it later since there are no obligations to stand in the way.
Jim, this is obviously a very important topic to a lot of us. Scott, you talked about the constraints that having little kids puts on you. When my boys became teenagers, they had to have separate bedrooms, so there went my darkroom for a while. When they were both in college, and I finally had the money to do so, I completely rebuilt my darkroom and furnished it with the best equipment. Of course, at that point the very job that allowed me to finance all that took up all my time, so I was just as frustrated. I finally settled on a schedule of late night darkroom work, 2-3 nights a week, because my wife goes to bed early to get to work early. Other nights I often have to go back to the office to work. So I never sleep, I've cut years off my life expectancy, but I do finally get to turn out prints from a well planned and comfortable darkroom. The trade-offs are always there. Like now, I have only a fuzzy memory of what my dreams were when I was 25 or 30, or how I thought I was going to achieve them. Dreams can evolve and should to keep you going instead of giving up.
I agree with Wayne. I don't have kids at home, but I have a husband who likes my company and I teach part-time and train for marathons and write essays... you get the picture, we all have many competing interests and obligations. For me the best thing to do to get creative work done is schedule it in advance, be firm, get off the internet, and work like hell shooting for one week or whatever amount of time you can get away (or into the darkroom). Wayne is right that more time does not translate into more or better work. It's _intensity_ that produces good work for me. When I return from a trip I have lots of negatives (processsed in motel bathrooms) waiting to be printed, and their presence creates an additional impetus to reject the less important diversions (internet, TV) and make prints instead.
I once read an essay by a writer with three children. She said she got the same amount of writing done now as she did before she had kids, she just had to squeeze it into a much shorter time.
Cheers, Sandy
A lot of us really do have the same sort of difficulties. I can't claim to be in quite the same position, but it's difficult nonetheless. I'm going on 20, I'm a sophmore in college, and photography is my life. When I say it's my life, I mean it's my major, my hobby, my consuming passion. And yet, I still have trouble finding the time and resources for it. I've been sinking virtually every penny I've made into equipment, film, and chemistry since my freshman year of high school, and I've spent probably on average 4-5 hours a day since then doing something photography-related, whether it be shooting, darkroom work, or usually just research.
My set of challenges are similar in some ways and different, too. I'm completely far away from marriage at this point in my life- hell, I haven't had a date in almost a year. I can't afford a car, so I can't get anywhere to even make any money while I'm at school. My biggest challenge really is funding. While I'm at school, I don't have a job. I'm in the perfect demographic to not be elligable for any scholarships or financial aid. My parents are in the middle of trying to sell the house right now, and they're paying two mortages until the house here sells, so they can't help me out. I had to work 60 hours a week in a warehouse all last summer to be able to afford the 90mm lens I needed for my architectural work, I'm probably going to have to take out a loan to buy my new 4x5 system, and I'm already taking out a loan for a computer. Factor in other things like the $5,000.00 medium format system I'm required to have by the university and I'm positively drained. I sell plasma half the time when I'm at school just to have enough cash to buy 8x10 film so I can continue shooting to keep myself sane.
Time is a problem, too, at school. All fall I worked on an independent study project in architectural photography. Simple enough, but with that plus three other very demanding classes, darkroom work, running errands for people for pocket change, and trying to remember to take time out to eat, I found myself perpetually fatigued, broke, and without enough time to get all my work done. I'm home on break now, but even though I'm home and don't have a way to get to a job for the next 6 weeks (3 people + one car = me not having a job), I still have trouble finding time to get things done. Between making prints to try and sell, trying to get my site on-line, vacating the house for showings, etc, it's practically impossible to get things done.
Figures....I have to get out of the house now because there's a showing at 6:00. You're not alone Jim, in your strife. I think the responses to this post have already proven that. Who knows, maybe it'll all work out for us sheet film addicts. Good luck to all.
Wayne.....I don't know how long you've been married, but for me the 'have fun shopping bribe' has passed $100.00 a long time ago(for my personal projects and ideas).
The most important thing in life to me, is the love you get from from family and friends and especially the 'goodwill' you can get from strangers. Love and friendship mean everything, and they'll save you in a crisis when money won't. I remember being in a south american country, and being told to give up my camera, and having four guys(I'll never forget 'em) come over to where I was and chasing off the folks who were about to take my camera.
The undercurrent of anxiety and frustration juggling important aspects of ones life, I've felt for several long periords in my life. When I go through one of these periods, I try to remind myself that there is somebody somewhere paralyzed from the neck down, who wouldn't hesitate to change places with me in a 'New York minute'.
As you get older, and lose relative and friends, you become thankful to just be alive and have someone around who cares about you. Most the people I've seen who've had the roughest time going through mid-life and beyond were people who didn't have anybody. None of us on this post really have it that bad from what I've read. Reminding myself of this while I walk along the beach relieves me of a lot of the frustrations I put myself through.
I can't resist telling this about one of my neighbors. I try to walk four miles a day in the morning when I first get up. About a mile into my walk one day, I pass by the house of a very nice lady who lives by herself whose husband had died and her kids had grown up and left a long time ago(and they never visit). I said hello to her one day and 'how are you doing?' and she responded 'fine, if anybody cares'.
I talked with her for awhile. I didn't question and I didn't intrude, but the substance of what she said amounted to 'I just don't care anymore, 'cause nobody else does'. She seemed to have had a string of bad days, complicated by the fact that her children never came around, they call or send cards, and that's just not getting it.
She seemed to be down for a couple of week but then snapped out of it. Her dog brought her ought of it. He's a happy dog, and she now says the dogs love means as much to her as anybodies. I know she doesn't mean that, and at the same time I know what she means.
I've asked her to let me do a Portrait of her and her dog, and she says 'maybe some day'.
Always an interesting dynamic between the gravity of life and the pull toward artistic evolution...and how these two interact,feed,and conflict with the artist.In my days as a Jazz drummer there were always the top 40 guys that were constantly complaining that when they had enough time or money or support they would go for what they really wanted...a jazz or classical carrer. This enevitably never happened. We often disscussed this and came to the conclusion that if you want it, NOW is the time!Also that, top 40 was what they really wanted to do, since they were doing it! My now departed mother was a very well known pianist working in N.Y.C.... and when the classical piano and modern dance world told her she was crazy to have a family ...she did it anyway and was very successful there with 6 kids too. Her piano instructor though dumped her when she got pregnant so there are dues to be paid of course....she was 21. When she was 13 she won the New York piano finals making her the best 13 year old classical pianist in the country....to have her teacher of many years go cold was a great blow. Anyway...... the way she balanced a big career and family was this...Music and work came first. Since my dad was gone by then, the children understood that there was absolutly no interuptions when a lesson or rehersal was going on. There was no discussing it... that was law...if she didnt work ...we didnt eat....I dont think people/children in general understand the needs of a working artist...this needs to be understood...there has to be respect there... for the art.... and the adult is the primary force in this... not the kids. Many people have this ass backwards...with the kids running the show. With the tail wagging the dog!Many parents are weak in this. I remember having a deep respect for the arts/artist instilled by my mom....this made us independent and knowing our limits in a defined and positive way, as kids. This might not work for everyone but it worked for us. A less responsible or energetic parent/artist might have a problem working this way. Most great artists are supported in a big way as kids or as adults ... physically and emotionally for their art... before they take off...and also in the lean times. But.. they give the art their first priority ....do or die! Most of us are not able or willing to commit to that level....and especially in adulthood as life takes over. The most we can muster is a balanced approach...Working with intensity and soul in the time we have to do it. And producing good work.The world as well as the artist still profit and eventually if you dont give up.... the world may accept and smile at your talent.
Emile....Your mom obviously did a great balancing act. I agree with being the adult and taking charge of your kids and I would add this.
That family and friendship will serve you when nothing else will. Survival for all of us means at some time in our lives we are helped by others. There were a couple of times in my life that I wouldn't be here to practice my art and/or have a great family and kids for that matter, if it hadn't been for the help of someone else.
There has to be discipline and denial to eventually good at anything. Emile makes a good point about the dynamic of a family and the way it should be. Some folks take this to the extreme(Emile...this doesn't refer to what you said) and are willing to sacfifice anything and anybody and at that point it becomes a selfish pursuit.
To be totally selfish is in fact, an act of self betrayal. If you only want to look out for yourself, that's all you'll have looking out for you. If you look out for nine other people and they are looking out for you, then you've got 10 people who care about you, not one. Doing the math on this one makes it a simple choice for me.
Jim, you obviously hit a nerve. No, the balance is not at all easy. I tend to be a solitary type to begin with (my sister used to call me "mole man" when I was a kid). Shooting and darkroom work are both solitary endevors; what we have here is a classic positive feedback loop. Solitude begets solitude.
I just exited the darkroom after a four hour session. Before I left for work, I got the space ready for tonight. I planned refinements to the print while I was at work. I ate a sandwich in the car on the way home so I could get busy right away. Is there such a thing as a healthy obsession? I sure hope so.
I was dating an artist a few months ago. She was somewhat of a loner, too, and claimed that someone devoted to their art may have to make sacrifices in other areas, like relationships. Did I see that one coming? Of course not (if you're out there, call me, you sweet rascal!).
I don't have a point or a conclusion, other than "I feel your pain". You read about people who win the lottery, and then keep going to work at the brick factory because they can't imagine doing anything else (stunned silence). Friends, if I ever hit the jackpot, I doubt I'd even come back from lunch. I'd be on the phone to B&H ordering up some new magic bullets, uh, I mean lenses.
Thank-you one and all!! I'm overwhelmed. If no one had posted I would have felt better anyways for just shouting out loud. But what a wonderful group and what great ideas and truths. You've all said it in one way or the other; What artist ever had it easy, didn't have to make some conscious hard choices, didn't have to struggle with the balance, isn't guilty of some wasted time, (got me Sandy, if I threw this computer away the minutes would add up) hasn't made mistakes. If it was easy, where would the passion be. The value in the work may just be in the fact that we choose to do it instead of idling in front of the TV with a beer. Thanks all, very much. Jim
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