Frank,
Don't you find that a smaller umbrella is even more specular? I've always had that reaction and tend to go toward the larger (softer) in spite of space even though that risks more spill. Agreed with closer the better, especially as that works with the closer is softer effect.
Tom, are you using any sort of reflector to help balance your highlight to shadow ratio? If not, almost anything can be used from a white or ecru pillow case, to a sheet of white poster board, or a panel of styro foam. Then again, those pop out reflectors are very convenient and the gold side is wonderful to add warmth to skin tones. That will help, even if you continue to use silver.
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