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Thread: Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

  1. #1

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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    There are heuristics to photography expressed in one
    liners or even acronyms such as KISS, but how many of
    them are rhymes or poems to guide the intrepid shooter?

    Does anyone have a favorite poem, rhyme or limerick
    that applies to LF photography? Got one that captures the
    frustration, reminds one of settings or just passes the time while
    waiting for the light or processing some film? Or one that
    puts the gotchas together?

    To start - I'll take a shot at it, however I'm no poet - so if
    you've got something better, step up and show it!

    [pre]
    There was a young lad,
    who ended up really quite sad,
    when he pulled the dark slide,
    with his lens opened wide,
    he wrecked all the film that he had.

    On the very next day,
    Tad struck out to shoot the wonder,
    but instead of delight,
    he got a big fright,
    as the wind knocked his tripod asunder.

    The light was not bad,
    so the film speed just matched the weather,
    yet the meter was set,
    to never forget,
    the last scene that it averag'd together.

    'Twas a nerd who did figure
    that he'd put the whole scene in a bottle
    so he pulled minus 2,
    and when he got through,
    he new it all blew,
    'cause his skies they really did mottle!
    [/pre]

    At times, things get challenging for photographers seeking
    to improve their lot. Some great poets wrote their verse
    that applied so well to treading the road - such as
    Kipling with his famous "If". How it seems to apply to
    the LF photographer waiting for the light, showing
    new work, or dealing with the ups and downs -

    [pre]
    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
    Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
    And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

    If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with triumph and disaster
    And treat those two imposters just the same;
    If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
    And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breath a word about your loss;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
    If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
    Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
    And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
    [/pre]

  2. #2

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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    There once was a photographer in Nome

    Who sought the most lengthy Tome

    He suffered great Pain

    To stretch films poor Range

    And ended up in Fred Picker's Zone

  3. #3

    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    I stole this from someone (it has to do with the iterative method of finding the right amount of front tilt)......

    Focus on the far and tilt for the near
    Then focus and tilt till all is clear.

  4. #4
    Abuser of God's Sunlight
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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    In Hernandez, at night, on the grass,
    Seeking fame I gazed at the ground glass.
    The moon filled the frame,
    But imagine my shame!
    Upon facing St. Ansels's ghost's ass.

  5. #5

    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    Oh this comes from a strange grundgy photography book by MJ Langford that I picked up at a book sale at St. Mike's College, University of Toronto



    From his shoulder Hiawatha
    Took the camera of rosewood
    Made of sliding folding rosewood;
    Neatly put it all together...
    This he perched on a tripod
    And the family, in order
    Sat before him for their picture
    Mystic, awful was the process...

    First a piece of glass he coated
    With Collodion and plunged it
    In a bath of lunar caustic
    Carefully dissolved in water-
    There he left it certain minutes..

    Secondly my Hiawatha
    Made with cunning hand a mixture
    Of the acid pyro gallic,
    And of glacial acetic,
    And of alcohol and water -
    This developed all the picture.

    Finally he fixed each picture
    With a saturate solution
    Which was made of hyposulphite
    Which agian was made of soda....

    First, the Governor, the Father;
    He suggested velvet curtains
    Looped about a massy pillar;
    And the corner of a table
    Of a rosewood dining table.
    He would hold a scroll of something,
    Hold it firmly in his left hand;
    He would keep his right hand buried
    (Like Napoleon) in his waistcoat;
    He would contemplate the distance
    With a look of pensive meaning....

    ...from 'Hiawatha's Photographing', by Lewis Caroll.


    have to dig up the full poem some time.

    Cheers

  6. #6

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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    How about a clerihew?

    Photographer Edward Weston
    heeded the sage advice to "Go West, man!"
    Where He fell in with the group f/64
    thus became the subject of legend and lore.

    or

    Mssrs Folmer and Schwing were quite clever
    in building cameras for banquets, the press and whatever
    They went out of the business and it was most pivotal
    That they did so before cameras became digital

    and

    That Laban Deardorff built cameras most suitable
    For large format photography is irrefutable
    Now an old 'dorff today is still performs quite OK
    But the prices are more than I can pay

    and

    Ed Weston shot Tina Mondotti
    but apparently didn't pay Tina with much money
    For Edward's fine prints do bare out
    clothes are what Tina did without
    "I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority"---EB White

  7. #7

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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    They'd actually make sense if the stanzas had survived that electron thing!
    "I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority"---EB White

  8. #8
    Robert A. Zeichner's Avatar
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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    Some LF Haiku

    Notch code at right top
    Slide film in and replace slide
    Flip and then repeat

    Meter the shadow
    Then, place it in the third zone
    Meter the highlight

    We patiently wait
    Light enobles the subject
    We all waste some film

    Extinguish room lights
    Dunk film in developer
    Count to six minutes

  9. #9
    4x5 Camera Toting Tourist Nitish Kanabar's Avatar
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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    There was a man named Ansel,

    Who made his pictures excel,

    Said he - "calibrate your selenium cell,

    Else your pictures will look like hell!"
    Nitish Kanabar

  10. #10
    4x5 Camera Toting Tourist Nitish Kanabar's Avatar
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    Heuristics, Poetry, Limericks and LF Photography

    Moonrise, Hernandez

    The lunar phase,

    Crosses lit by sunrays,

    The clouds ablaze!

    Never cease to amaze

    Oh praise, oh praise!
    Nitish Kanabar

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