Photography and (Clinical) Depression

[Robert McClure]

I just did a site/forum search under "Photography and Depression" and found that nothing has been mentioned as far as the record indicates.

These two topics, in context of one another, are interesting to me. I have been a sufferer of chronic/clinical depression, on and off, for more years than I care to contemplate. My feelings are, first, that this kind of brain malfunction really sucks, and second, photography sure as hell offers a wonderful escape and respite. Many have self-medicated for the pain of depression with alcohol and/or drugs. I feel fortunate to have discovered photography!

Just a few months ago I bought a 7x17 Folmer-Schwing from Jim Galli and I love it. But I've been struggling since then to get the project off the ground. I've had lensboards fabricated and have mounted a lens. But I haven't had the mental energy (typical of depression) to follow-thru on required developing tube, chemistry purchases, checks for light-tightness of bellows and holder, etc., etc.

Versus responders who might say, "Snap out of it!" or "Stop with the complaining, already!," I would prefer responses from those who might know, experientially, what I'm talking about.
I fall asleep at night imagining the photographs I'm going to make and hoping I'll be able to make them soon. Maybe we could encourage each other.

So I sit and look at the camera mounted on tripod next to the 8x10 imagining what it's going to be like once I swing back in mood. Then maybe I can concentrate sufficiently to resume making photographs.

If any care to, you may feel free to contact me off-line.

Robert McClure - Atlanta

[Ole Tjugen]

I know only one cure for that affliction:

Load your film holder(s), and get out and shoot some pictures!

Worry about developing later, when you have something to develop. If Jim Galli sold you the camera, the bellows should be good. If not, tell him I said so

Film can be developed in tanks, tubes and trays. I've recently been trying a new antique developer that shows great promise - a two-bath rapid staining developer. No worries about time, temperature, agitation, contrast - just get the exposure correct and dunk it in! The recipe is on unblinkingeye and APUG: Pextral.

When this happens to me, I try to find a new developer or film to try out. I sometimes buy another old lens, but that is too expensive in the long run - even with $50 lenses...

[Mark_3632]

I'm not going to tell you to snap out of it but I will tell you to take the first step. If you can't get up the energy to build the tubes buy them. Set small goals and attack one each day. Pat yourself on the back and move onto the next. make a list:

1-Check bellows
2-Check holder
3-Check bellows
4-Oder film and paper
5-order tubes
6-buy chemicals.

Keep it simple. If you can't get to this stuff stay away from misxing your own chemicals and building your own tubes. It will cost extra but buy what is necessary.

Clinical depression is a bitch. I've a couple of friends that have it and believe me I know what you mean. Both of them live off small victories and their medication. Most of all quit thinking and do. the list will set the direction.

[Ellen Stoune Duralia]

Robert, I know how you feel and man, sometimes it's just hard to do the simplest things! But I speak from experience - as others above have suggested, try to do something that will move you forward. Start small and the momentum will build. Try not to let the little frustrations get you down.

If you do nothing else, go for walks. The physical activity helps - really!

Also, if I may be so bold (but keep in mind that I am not a doctor and again, I am only speaking from experience) you might try doing some research on an herb called SAM-E (pronounced sammy). Unlike the Dr. prescribed anti-depressants, it has no ill side effects other than it can cause very minor stomach upset until you get used to it. I never had any problems with it but it has been a real help! iHerb.com is good source for it as well as information but you can get it at Wal-Mart too. Do speak with your physician before trying it though - just to be on the safe side.

Take care - you're not by yourself :-)

[John Kasaian]

Robert,

Don't let the chemistry/development part be an obstacle----just use and follow the directions printed on the yellow envelopes and the manufacturer's recommended film speeds. The zone system is fine and well, but you can certainly do without it (yes, you can!) WIth a ULF negative you'll wow yourself with detail anyway. If you later find the urge to experiment with chemicals and filmspeeds, that should be motivation (and fun) enough ---when you are ready for it---but if you want to take great photos don't let that be a hurdle. Wonderful photos have been made with ubitquitous d-76 and dektol on films like Tri-x and FP-4+ and bargain glossy enlarging paper. I've used Naaco 76, available from Freestyle, which is an institutional liquid version of d-76 that mixes easier that the powdered stuff. Good luck!

[bob carnie]

Hi Robert

I , for years did not pick up the camera , as I thought the images through I always came to the conclusion that nobody would give a rats ass about my work and I stopped thinking about shooting, but the images always come back into my head.
I read a book * on being a photographer* by Bill Jay of lenswork. That little book inspired me to photograph a project rather than a group of differing images. I walked by this aluminum crushing plant each day to work and I saw all kinds of neat things laying around. The crushing plant was at the back end of my printing shop so I borrowed a camera and bought a bucket full of film and every Sun when the mood was there I broke into the back end of the plant and started to photograph these objects. It took me one full year to get a series of images I liked and now I am printing them and enjoying my photographs.
Simply , load your camera and pick a topic or topics that is easy for you to do and slowly start and over time , you will find the time to make some images. I think small steps or images that are easy for you to start are the way to go.
good luck

[Emrehan Zeybekoglu]

Hi Robert,
My humble suggestion is that you should concentrate on going out and taking photographs. Also, as it was mentioned before, setting small tasks and not trying to rush through the whole process may be the thing to do. Photography can be quite rewarding even when you follow the simplest procedures with the simplest materials and equipment. Take care..

[jack nips]

one of my favorite magnum guys did a essay about the suicide capital of the world in nunuvut canada
this post reminded me of it-

www.magnumphotos.com/c/htm/FramerT_MAG.aspx?Stat=SearchFeaturesResult_DocThumb&V=CDocT&E=2K7O3R82SOHP&DT=ALB

[Brett Deacon]

Robert,

I appreciate your openness and obvious passion for photography. It sounds like despite the allure of what those 7x17 images will eventually look like, the task of getting to that point seems a bit overwhelming. From earlier responses you've consistently received two pieces of sound advice: break things down into small and manageable tasks, and go out and shoot! I think the latter might be particularly helpful as it will reconnect you most strongly with one of the most exhilarating parts of photography - capturing compelling images. Also, being more physically active and increasing your involvement with activities you value has a powerful antidepressant effect (plus no side effects!). Best of luck.

[Scott Fleming]

I don't know if I'm clinidcally depressed but I wouldn't doubt it. I have some health issues that limit my phisical activity if I let them and that keeps me sitting here at the puter many times when I would rather be out and about. One thing I found that really motivated me was having my best images printed. This got me interested in matting and framing which was better than pounding the keyboard. The biggest boon however was looking at my images regularly which lead me to want to improve them. Through critiquing my own work I learned and saw more than I would have ever guessed. Now I'm driven to get certain images if not perfect at least better than I have produced so far. I think I could spend most of this spring and summer achieving my vision for just a dozen prints or so. So if you don't already, print and hang your images in your own house.